i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
