All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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