he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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