sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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