dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We left the knife in your bed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
