on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
