why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
