i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
