I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
