I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
