How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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