sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
