1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
