You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
