there's paper in my vomit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
