Sponge bath it is.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
