Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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