There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
