what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
