In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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