We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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