I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
