I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
