What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
