Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
