Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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