so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
