And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
