You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
