She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
