Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
