You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
