he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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