By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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