There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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