ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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