youre lurking in front of me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
