Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
