woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need a beard to bite.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
