i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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