Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
