She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize