Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
