now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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