She's JV to your varsity
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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