Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
