Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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