bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
