i just sent this text using only my big toe
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
