I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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