I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
