I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
