I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
