From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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