The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
True strength comes from lack of pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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