Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
