hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize