Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
