I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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