Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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