i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
