i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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