you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
