He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
