I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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